There will always be Jauren
by ishipJauren
Summary: This is what I would like to happen in the Jauren storyline, starting from the episode with the hug (30/05/13) Joey and Lauren still love each other- but will they get back together? Loosely follows events on the show
1. Chapter 1

"Just go home, Abi." I tell my sister, in the middle of the square. She doesn't understand what it feels like to have nothing else to turn to but alcohol.

"Please, Lauren." Abi tries to grab my arm but I snap.

"Just go home!" I yell at her and push her away.

"Lauren? Lauren, you alright?" I hear his voice behind me. Joey.

"Lauren?" He calls my name again and I slowly turn to look at him. I feel myself weakening and my tears start to fall. I want nothing more than to be back in his arms where I belong; go back to how it was.

"No. No, I'm not alright." I shake my head. Joey walks closer to me until we're an inch apart. "Come on, come here." He whispers, and opens his arms to me. And I want to so much; I want his arms around me, comforting me. I want to fall into his arms, so much so that I almost do. Almost. But I have to stop myself. I can't turn to Joey anymore. He ended it; he didn't believe me, he believed Lucy over me. As much as it kills me, I can't go to him. Despite the intense longing I feel to run to him and let him make it all better. Despite how much I need him. Silently as continuous tears fall down my cheeks, I shake my head at him.

"Lauren?" He frowns.

"No. No." I sob, but still don't let myself fall into his embrace.

"What's the matter, Lauren?" Joey wipes a tear away with his thumb. Behind him, Lucy comes out of the caff, and stiffens when she sees us together.

"Joey! Can you help me with the bins please?" She calls out to him. He doesn't take his eyes off me.

"What's the matter, babe?" He repeats. "Please?" Lucy asks him again.

"I'm in the middle of something right now, Lucy. Can it wait?" He finally turns away from me to look at her.

"Not really." She snaps.

"It's fine. We're not in the middle of anything." I take a step back from him, and turn to walk to the minute mart.

"Off for a drink, are we? It's a bit of a late start for you, isn't it? Usually on, what, half a dozen by now?" Lucy sneers at me.

"Lucy, just leave it, yeah?" Joey tells her, angrily. I shake my head at him, and walk towards Lucy as he goes inside the caff.

"You know what; I'm actually a bit of a novelty for him. Not being related." Lucy smirks. She turns her back on me and as she starts to walk away, I grab her by the arm and punch her hard in the nose. To my own surprise, I even draw blood and she falls to the ground.

"Do you want to push me, Lucy? You really wanna push me?" I scream and pick up the sugar, ready to launch it at her.

"No!" She shouts back at me, just as Joey comes back out from the caff. He walks straight past her and comes towards me.

"What are you doing, Lauren? Put it down." He orders.

"No! You don't get to tell me what to do. No-one gets to tell me what to do!" I scream and throw the sugar through the window of the caff, smashing it straight through. I storm away, Abi hot on my heels. Completely unexpectedly though, Joey follows too.

"Lauren." He calls. Lucy is still in a complete mess sprawled on the ground, nursing her hopefully broken nose but he walks straight past her, running to catch up with me. "Lauren!" Joey calls out my name again and this time he sounds angry.

"Lauren, please come home." Abi sniffs and her tears make me stop in my tracks. I turn around and both Joey and Abi run towards me.

"Lauren, come on. Tell me what's wrong. Let's go and talk, just us." Joey asks.

"No, no way. I'm not falling for that one again. Oh, let's go for a walk, Lauren. Come for a walk with me, Lauren. And then just take me back home, ay?" I snap at him and stomp off to the minute mart. He comes up behind me and grabs my arm just as I'm about to step inside. "Don't do this, please." Joey whispers, his eyes pleading with me.

"I need a drink!" I exclaim through gritted teeth, trying to shrug him off but he just tightens his grip.

"You don't need to do this. Please talk to me, babe. Please. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm asking you please, to come and talk to me and tell me what's wrong." He says, barely above a whisper.

"Oh yeah? And if I do, you'll just take me home. I don't wanna go home." I say, angrily.

"I promise I won't take you home. This isn't like that time. I just want you to talk to me, please. Please, babe." He looks into my eyes and I feel my heart melting.

"Why? Why do you care?" I question, confused.

"Course I care, Lauren." He pulls me towards him, away from the minute mart.

"Now will you come with me and talk to me?" He repeats, and leans over to tuck my hair behind my ear. Why would he do that if he didn't love me? I look up at him in total confusion.

"Okay." I whisper, nodding. He leads me in the direction of the swings, but Abi stops us. "Joey, wait. My mum, she's worried. We should take Lauren home." She tells him.

"Abs, tell your mum I'll bring Lauren home if and when she's ready to come home, please. Go home, don't worry and tell your mum not to worry either. She'll be fine with me, promise. I'll look after her." He tells Abi, and she nods, slowly.

"Come on, babe." Joey turns to me, expectantly waiting for me to follow him. So I do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the favs and reviews, glad you are enjoying it so far! Also, thanks to the guest reviewer (Naz) who I couldn't reply to, happy you're liking it! Chapter 2 is the first proper chat Joey and Lauren have since the break-up...**

When we get to the swings, Joey sits on the wall and pats the space next to him. I don't move.

"Don't you wanna sit down?" He asks me. I shake my head.

"Is that all I'm gonna get, is it, Lauren, ay? Head movements? No actual words?" He half-smiles as he says it and it makes my heart break into a few more pieces. He has the loveliest smile I've ever seen. When he smiles at me it makes me feel like everything isn't as bad as I think it is, because Joey's here and he will make it good again. I shrug and his eyes twinkle.

"Tell me what's wrong. Why are you so upset?" He frowns, his voice filled with concern. "Why do you care, Joey, ay?" I ask.

"I care about you, babe. Just because, you know, it don't mean I don't care." He shakes his head.

"No, I don't know what you mean by that, I know what? Do you mean because you dumped me? Why can't you say it?" I ask him.

"You know what I'm talking about." He says.

"Say it." I tell him. He shakes his head.

"Say it, Joseph!" I snap.

"Just because we ain't together anymore, it don't mean I don't still care." He tells me, looking straight into my eyes.

"But why do you care? You didn't care enough to stick it out, with me. You didn't wanna be with me, anymore." I remind him.

"Of course I wanted to be with you; of course I wanna be with you, still. But I can't. I can't watch you do this, again and again." He shakes my head.

"You don't get to act all concerned, like you give a shit. You don't get to care anymore." I tell him, angrily.

"It's not like I can help it." He shrugs.

"Look, Joey. You're just messing with my head. One minute you dump me and the next you're telling me you care and you wanna talk." I shake my head, close to tears again.

"Lauren, don't you get it? I will always care. Even if you never wanna look at me again, even if you can't forgive me for doing what I had to do, I will still always care about you." He looks so honest, so genuine. I want him to hold me and let us go back to how we were.

"Why did you do it then?" I ask, helplessly.

"Because it is killing me watching you drink yourself stupid all day and night. You're the only good thing I have, you're my whole life and if I don't have you I've got nothing, so I can't lose you." His jaw tightens and he looks at me like he used to look at me. Like, he has to protect me and look after me. But I'm just me. I'm just Lauren.

"Why are you telling me all this now? You're telling me all this stuff and giving me hope, and then you're just gonna walk away and leave me. Again." I start to sob, despite my best efforts not to.

"Don't cry, please, Lauren, don't cry." He frowns, like he's in pain. He stands up and walks over to me.

"Come here, babe." He whispers, opening his arms, and this time I do. I fall into his outstretched arms and cling onto him tightly like my life depends on it. Great heaving sobs pour out of me and my tears fall onto his jacket. He hugs me like he never wants to let me go and holds me in a tight grasp.

"Please don't cry, Lauren." He whispers. His arms are wrapped so tightly around me that I can barely breathe, and still it's not tight enough. Slowly, my tears start to dry up and I let go of him.

"What's the matter? Why were you so upset before?" He frowns. He takes me by the hand and pulls me over to the wall and sits me down. He sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder.

"Mum. She thinks I'm like Rainie." I sniff.

"You're nothing like Rainie, babe." He assures me.

"What if I am, though? What if I'm just a dirty little addict, beyond hope? What if I can't ever stop drinking?" I chew so hard on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying, that I draw blood.

"You're not beyond hope. Why you saying that for?" He shakes his head, furiously.

"You gave up hope. You gave up on me." I remind him.

"Lauren, I didn't give up hope. I still have hope. I will always have hope. And I definitely didn't give up on you; I haven't given up on you." He tucks my hair behind my ear. Why does he keep doing that?

"You're telling me all this today but tomorrow you won't wanna know and you'll hate me again." I don't believe him; I can't believe him.

"I've never hated you. How can I hate you, when…?" He trails off.

"When what?" I whisper.

"I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to, Lauren Branning." He squeezes my hand.

"You didn't believe me about Lucy. I told you she spiked my drink and you didn't believe me. You believed her over me." I remind him sadly.

"Lauren, we don't need to talk about that. It's ok. You tried so hard but you ended up having a drink. It's gonna be ok though. You'll keep on trying and you'll do it." He holds my arms, gently reassuring me.

"No, it's not ok. How can it be when the boy I love doesn't believe me? I mean, isn't it enough that my mum don't trust me, but you too? How can it be okay when you're the only person I trust, but I've lost you? You're supposed to trust me." A single tear falls down my cheek.

"We don't need to talk about this. Just please, stop drinking, please." He frowns and grips me tightly.

"If you say you believe that Lucy put vodka in my drink." I raise an eyebrow.

"Babe, don't do this." He shakes his head.

"You asked me to stop drinking so I did. If I wanted to drink, I would have been honest with you. Why would I lie? Why would I still be lying now when I've already lost you?" I shake my head, frowning at him. Does he really think I'm that bad? What makes Lucy fucking Beale so honest?

"Forget all that. Let me help you. Please, Lauren. You have to let me help you get better." He pleads with me, his eyes begging me to agree with him.

"But what's the point? I've already lost you. What else do I have that's worth anything?" I laugh, dryly.

"You haven't lost me." He frowns.

"Maybe you've lost me then." I say sadly, and slowly start to walk away from him.

**Sorry it didn't end on a happy note but I promise it will get better, just trying to keep it realistic as obviously in Eastenders they won't be getting back together straightaway. Hope you liked the chapter, please let me know what you thought!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter and thanks to the guest reviewers who I couldn't reply to (and to Naz- sorry I made you cry!) Glad you're all enjoying it so far and hope you like this chapter :)**

Joey comes after me and grabs hold of my arm.

"Don't say that, Lauren. Please. I haven't lost you, have I?" He frowns and I realise the reason why I love his smile so much is because it is so rare. 75% of the time his facial expression is a frown.

"Listen, where you going?" He asks me.

"Home." I say, barely above a whisper.

"Right well, I'll take you." He starts to walk next to me, still not letting go of my arm.

"Nah, you're alright." I shrug him off.

"I'm walking you home, I told Abi I was gonna bring you home, didn't I?" He doesn't try and touch me again but just walks alongside me.

"Can't we even be mates?" He asks me.

"We're still cousins, ain't we?" I half smile and his face lights up.

"I haven't seen you smile in such a long time." He tells me. When we get to my house, Mum opens the door, all panicky and worried. I run straight past her and go upstairs but I wait at the top where they can't see me so I can hear if Joey and Mum will talk about me.

"Thanks for bringing her home, Joey." Mum tells him.

"You don't need to thank me, Tanya. I owe it to her." Joey shrugs and he sounds so sad.

"She loves you. Losing you has made her worse." Mum tells him, truthfully.

"I'm here ain't I?" He frowns.

"How long for? You broke her heart before when you just left her and now you've done the same thing again. She's not just here for you, when you feel like it. Anyone can be with someone through the good times in their life but when they're there for you when times get tough, that's when you know they really care." Mum shakes her head at him.

"I do care, Tanya. I really do care about her." He mutters.

"Yeah? Funny way of showing it, darling." Mum is giving Joey a right good grilling.

"That's not why I ended it, because I stopped caring or loving her. It's because, I don't know how to help her; I don't know what to do. I can't see her like this, it's too hard. But obviously, I still love her." Joey's words make me catch my breath in my throat and I stop breathing.

"If this is the way you show someone you love them, God knows how you'd treat someone you hate." Mum sounds angry.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting her. But nothing you can say to me can make me feel worse than I already do. I feel like total shit. I'm the shittest person ever, I know that. But I care. Believe me, I care. Look, I wanna help you. Whatever you think is best, to try and help her. I want her to be okay again." Joey says.

"I don't know, darling. I don't think you being around will do her any good." Mum says softly.

"So, I can't come and see how she is tomorrow?" Joey asks.

"I can't stop you. It's up to Lauren if she wants to see you." Mum shrugs. "Look, Tan, I know I was wrong. I know now that I shouldn't have done what I did." Joey tells Mum.

"What are you saying? That you regret breaking up with her?" Mum questions him.

"Yes. Exactly. You're right; I do have a funny way of showing I care. I don't know, I'm a bloke aren't I? I wanted her to stop drinking and she weren't listening to me, so I did what I do best and left. I can't stick things out, Tan, I just run when things are shit." I can't believe Joey is saying all this stuff to my Mum. If he regrets dumping me, why didn't he tell me that earlier?

"Well, then clearly you aren't mature enough for a proper adult relationship. There will never be a time that Lauren will need you more than she needs you now. It's your job to be there when she needs you. You know she would be there for you when you need her."

I nod to myself at Mum's words. _'I would, Joe.'_ I mouth, knowing he can't hear me.

"I do need her, Tan. I get up every morning and I think what is the point of anything if I ain't got Lauren? What's the point of sticking round Walford? Alice don't need me; I could just clear off back and everyone would be better off." Joey shakes his head.

"So you're leaving?" Mum sounds worried. "I don't know, maybe. Maybe I should? I ain't got nothing to stay here for have I? She was fine before I come along and she'll be even better when I'm gone." Joey looks down, unable to meet Mum's gaze.

"Joey, you need to man up! You're her only hope. If she gets through this, it'll be cos of you." Mum smiles, sadly.

"That's just it, Tan. I never wanted to let myself get that close to someone that they depend on me. I never wanted to care so much. I'm not cut out for it." Joey sighs.

"Well, darling, you don't get to stop that from happening. It has happened; Lauren depends on you and you care about her too much to just go off now when she needs you." Mum pats his shoulder.

"Maybe I'm just like him. Derek. My Dad. Maybe all I'm good for is hurting people and letting them down." Joey says, so quietly that I barely hear him.

"Joey darling, you're not like him. And even if you were, maybe it's not such a bad thing. He loved Alice and he loved you. He pulled you and Lauren out of that building, didn't he? When it mattered, he was there." Mum reminds him.

"So I'm worse than him, aren't I? Cos Lauren needs me now and I weren't there for her." He spits out through gritted teeth. "You're here, aren't you?" Mum smiles at him and pats his back.

"Thanks, Tan." Joey half-smiles.

"You better go eh, I'm gonna make sure she's okay." Mum tells him and he nods, and turns to leave. I run into Mum's room and watch Joey leave from the window. I knock on the window and he stops in his tracks. But before he turns around I duck down so he doesn't see me. Watching him walk away is a little bit less painful this time, because he's done it before. I'm used to it.


	4. Chapter 4

Lauren's POV.

I'm in bed watching Cash In The Attic. Mum had this little womanly chat with me last night, after Joey left. And she probably thought I'd be up and dressed and ready for the day, because hey, who cares if Joey doesn't want me anymore? As long as I do my hair up nice and put some make-up on everything's alright! I'm wearing one of Joey's t-shirts, but his smell has nearly gone from it. I wear it nearly every night and if I'm not wearing it, I'm sleeping with it. I don't want to wash it because it's all I have left of him. That and the massive hole in my heart labelled 'Joey.' I drink because I can't let myself accept that Joey doesn't want me. I have to drink because I have to be off my head to get through the day. I let him in; I let myself fall in love with him even though I knew it was wrong. So I guess I had it coming. The pathetic thing is if he came to me now and said he wants me back, I would go. Without a shadow of a doubt. What me and Joey had was different. Peter was just a childhood thing and Ryan was so good-looking, I was kinda blown away by him. I loved Peter, I think. As a friend. But nothing has ever been like it was with Joey and nothing ever will. Cos that kind of love never comes round again. You get it once in your life and you keep hold of it and never let go. But I fucked it up, just like I fuck everything up. And the only thing that lets me live with myself and lets me carry on, is alcohol. So how can I give that up? How can I give up the only thing that keeps me going? As I reach under my bed for a bottle of vodka, there is a quiet knock on my door.

"Darling, it's me. Can I come in?" Mum's voice calls out.

"Yeah." I reply and quickly retrieve my hand.

"I've made you some coffee and I got your favourite." She waves a Toblerone at me and I smile a small smile.

"You have got a beautiful smile, you know that?" Mum sits down on my bed, handing me the mug and chocolate bar.

"Thanks Mum." I tell her and she strokes my hair.

"Are you alright, darling?" Mum asks, softly.

"No, Mum." I sniff and tears threaten to fall.

"I can't see you like this anymore, darling." Mum looks like she's about to cry too.

"I'll never stop loving Joey." I sob and then the tears aren't just threatening, they're falling.

"Oh, darling." Mum pulls me into a hug.

"Lucy spiked my drink, Mum. And he didn't believe me. I want to hate him but I can't because I love him." I cling onto my mum tightly and sob on to her shoulder.

"Oh, sweetheart. Drinking isn't gonna help. It'll just delay the inevitable. You can't bury what you're feeling because when you do let all these feelings you're trying to repress come to the surface they'll be ten times worse than they are now." Mum pats my back, trying to console me.

"Why does it hurt so much, Mum? Why can't I hate him? I should be able to hate him." I sniff and roughly wipe my hand across my cheeks and nose.

"Because he's The One. The one boy who will completely ruin you and destroy you and you will let him because even the bad days with him, the worst arguments, the darkest moments, they're all better than not being with him." Mum wipes my tears away and still more fall.

"He is The One. I won't ever feel like this for anyone, ever again. He's changed my life. I didn't know I was capable of all this feeling, before him." The tears continue to stream down my face, thick and fast.

"It won't hurt like this forever. One day, you'll even be able to get up and have a smile on your face like nothing's wrong. I promise, darling." Mum assures me.

"When?" I ask, desperately.

"When you least expect it. You'll be able to pass him in the street and control the urge to fall into his arms." Mum promises.

"Mum? Who was your One?" I ask her.

"Your Dad." She says, sadly.

"So you still love him?" I frown.

"I never stopped, darling." Mum whispers. She wipes my tears away again and kisses my cheek. As I open my mouth to say something, our doorbell goes off, followed by persistent banging on the door. Not even knocking, like proper banging.

"Now, get dressed ay, sweetheart? Put your best dress on and a smile. I'll get that." Mum pats my arm then leaves the room to go and answer the door.

When I get up to go the bathroom, Mum calls me.

"Lauren? It's for you."

**Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger but I will update soon! Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I'm happy you're enjoying it. Thank you to the guets reviewers I can't reply, I appreciate all your comments! (Naz- glad you're liking, I checked your videos out and have left comments!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews, I'm so happy you're enjoying it! Sorry it took so long to update, been busy at the moment with graduations and preparations for upcoming parties etc but I will definitely update again soon! This chapter is from Joey's POV as I thought it would be interesting to show how he is feeling, hope you like it :)**

Joey's POV.

What Lauren said to me yesterday, she was right. I should have believed her when she told me Lucy spiked her drink. What sort of boyfriend believes someone else over the girl he's supposed to love? Lucy's always had it in for Lauren, ever since she found out I loved Lauren and that I didn't wanna be with her and I never would. I walk into the caff, running through in my head what I'm gonna say to Lucy.

"Hello, Joey." She smiles at me like just the sight of me is enough to make her happy. I know she probably still likes me. Me and her, it was never serious. It weren't for me anyway. She was just a bird and I got one up on Derek. She's never meant anything to me. And me being mates with her is probably giving her the wrong idea and making her think I'm getting back with her or something when I ain't. Lauren is the only girl I've ever loved.

"Alright, Luce?" I nod at her.

"I'm going to the police station later. To make a statement about Lauren hitting me. Will you give a statement too?" She asks.

"Are you having a laugh?" Is she actually taking the piss?

"I'm serious." She frowns at me.

"No. No way." I shake my head firmly.

"Why? Is it cos you still love her?" Lucy sneers at me.

_'Yes.' _I think to myself. _'I do still love her. I always will.'_

"No, of course not!" I exclaim.

"Why won't you give a statement then?" She snaps at me.

"First off, cos I ain't a grass. And you provoked her, Lucy. We all saw it." I'm trying not to get angry at her, but how thick is she? Like I would ever grass on Lauren.

"She hit me." Lucy says through gritted teeth.

"You asked me why and I'm telling you why. It ain't right. If you're the kind of person that can do that to one of your friends, then that's fine, Luce, ok. But you're on your own." I shrug, trying to guilt trip her so she doesn't go ahead with it. I know she'll probably do anything I ask.

"Fine, I won't either then. You're right. It doesn't seem right." She nods.

"Lucy?" I call. "Yeah? Do you want a tea or anything?" She asks.

"No, no. Listen, that night when me and Lauren, you know." I start. "When you dumped her?" She grins, her eyes glinting. It's horrible how happy she is about it. Like I would ever go back out with her just because I'm not with Lauren anymore. Once you've had a love like me and Lauren have, you can't never go back.

"I don't know why you're so happy about it. Me and you are never gonna happen again." I tell her firmly.

"I'm not happy about it." Her face stiffens and then I know for sure that she hoped I'd get back with her.

"That night, did you put Vodka in her Lemonade?" I ask her.

"I can't believe you're asking me that." Oh, she's good. She's got the look of disbelief, shock, indignation and righteousness down perfectly.

"And I can't believe I believed you over Lauren." I shake my head, sadly.

"Joey, I only ordered her what she asked me to. I would never do that. I swear." She says, firmly.

"But you were willing to press charges against her. So how can I believe you're not capable of fucking up our relationship?" I frown.

"It was already fucked up, from the off. She's an alcoholic and you're cousins." She sneers. "And?" I frown.

"And, it's disgusting." She spits out.

"Well if I'm so disgusting then why are you always after me, why are you always hanging around me ay?" I raise my voice, getting angry.

"You're not disgusting. But you and Lauren, together, is disgusting." She turns up her nose.

"Yeah? But you're the one that makes me sick. How can you do that to her, ay? She was your best mate. And over me? You're the kind of girl that would drop her mates for a guy she's only known two minutes?" I shake my head at her.

"I didn't do it, Joey. I promise." She shouts after me as I turn to go.

I leave the Caff and go where I should have been all along.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for all the reviews and guest reviews which I couldn't reply to- I'm happy you're all enjoying it! Also, thanks for the reviews I've been getting on the last two stories I posted- they were one shots though so there won't be second chapters for either of them! Sorry for taking so long to update- Eastenders is annoying atm especially yesterday's episode and it's reall putting me off :P This chapter is a little more positive though so hope you like it and let me know what you think :)**

Someone for me at the door? Since I got dumped and spent my days drinking myself stupid, I kind of alienated the few friends I had left. Not even Whitney has been round to see me. Maybe it's her. I go back into my room and comb my hair then put a bit of lippy on. Like mum said, eh. I take a deep breath and go downstairs to see Joey in the living room, with a mug in his hand, looking way too comfortable for someone who broke my heart.

"What are you doing here?" It comes out sounding unintentionally harsh.

"Lauren!" He exclaims, jumping up. He reaches out to hug me, and then stops himself. Instead, he puts his hand on my arm.

"You alright, babe?" He looks at me, concerned.

"Yeah. Are you?" I nod slowly, still confused.

"Yeah. I just wanted to check you were okay." He tells me.

"I'll leave you to it; I need to get to the salon." Mum says and wanders off into the kitchen.

"You wanted to check I was okay?" I repeat.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" He raises an eyebrow.

"See you later, love." Mum calls, then the front door bangs shut.

"No, I just didn't know that's where we were at. Visiting each other and checking on each other." I shrug.

"Well, like you said. We're still cousins ain't we?" He smirks.

"So, are we friends now?" I frown, unsure.

"Yeah if you wanna be?" He grins.

"That's new territory for us. I'll give it a shot." I nod and a small smile crosses my lips.

"I wish you'd smile all the time." Joey murmurs. I laugh awkwardly, not sure what I'm supposed to say. His words hang in the air, just chilling there awkwardly, between us.

"Erm, here your mum made me this but I haven't had none so you have it. I'll make another." He clears his throat and hands me the mug. I take it wordlessly and Joey disappears into the kitchen. He comes back almost straightaway with the sugar pot and a spoon, and mixes two more sugars in to the tea.

"How you don't have diabetes, I'll never know." He smiles, affectionately and I'm touched he still remembers how much sugar I take.

"I'll take this back in there; don't want you launching it at me if I piss you off." He smirks.

"Oi." I protest and chuck a cushion at his retreating back. Hmm, this is different. Me and Joey, being friends. Just hanging out together at my house, not having sex. Hmm. Maybe we'll be better friends than we were a couple. After a bit, he comes back into the room with a mug and the biscuit tin. He sits down next to me, and we share a comfortable silence. There's no need for us to talk; I guess this is his way of showing he's here for me.

"You haven't drunk since that night?" He asks. I shake my head, and he puts an arm around me, squeezing the top of my arm.

"I'm glad. Really glad." He looks at me and the desire to reach up and kiss him overwhelms me. I should be able to kiss him. I still love him and I know he still loves me. But we're friends, now. It's all different.

"Shall I put the telly on?" I offer and he nods so I put it on, flicking through the channels, finally settling on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

"Lauren!" He groans.

"You wanted to come round." I shrug, laughing.

"But I don't wanna watch this." He exclaims.

"You know where the door is then." I smirk and he shuts up instantly, wrapping his arm tighter around me. We watch two whole episodes and I don't think about the bottle of vodka, underneath my bed. Not even once. I have Joey sitting so close next to me; we could literally be joined at the hip. I don't need to drink to get through this, because I want to savour this moment and remember it, always.

"No more, I can't take it." Joey groans as the third episode starts and he turns the telly off.

"I was watching that!" I protest, trying to get the remote back off him but he hides it behind his back and doesn't let me reach it.

"Why don't we talk instead?" He offers.

"You preferred doing other things with your mouth, instead of talking. Talking was never your strong point." I remind him.

"Well, maybe now I wanna talk." He shrugs.

"And maybe I wanna find out if Rob manages to have a date without his sisters ruining it." I slide my hand behind his back to get the remote but he traps my hand with his and doesn't let go.

"Just hear me out." He looks me straight in the eye, and I feel myself weakening. He still has a hold over me; he still affects me.

"I can't really handle another chat without vodka inside me." I grimace, jokingly.

"That's not even funny, babe." He frowns.

"Sorry, I didn't know I wasn't even allowed to make jokes anymore. Jesus." I snap. I'm about to go off on one when his next words leave my mouth hanging open.

"I believe you. Lucy spiked your drink." Joey tells me.

"What?" I ask gob-smacked. Maybe I didn't hear him right.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I should have, I know that. But it made sense; even if you were knowingly drinking, you could have still told me it was Lucy's fault. I felt like I'd lost you and I couldn't remember a time you hadn't been completely shit-faced; I couldn't handle it. I fucked up and I'm sorry." He tells me, quietly.

"What made you believe me?" I frown.

"I spoke to her, just now. She wanted me to go down the police station to give a statement about you hitting her. And I just realised that she actually is that spiteful." Joey admits.

"She's gonna report it?" I ask, in disbelief.

"Not anymore. But when I realised that she was prepared to press charges against her best friend, it all just made sense and I just knew. I'm sorry, babe." Joey tucks a hair behind my ear.

"You believe me." A huge grin lights up my face and I feel properly happy for the first time since that night.

"Sorry it took so long." Joey smiles.

"Better late than never, ay." I grin.

"I never wanna see her again." He says, angrily.

"You don't have to. We can boycott the caff, hang out here instead." I offer.

"And play twister? Or we could go somewhere more up market." His smile causes his dimples to appear on his face and I ache to touch them.

"Let's play twister now!" I run upstairs to grab it from my room, and on my way out I dash past my mirror. I hardly recognise my own face. I'm smiling and laughing; my cheeks are pink again and I actually look alive! Maybe everything will be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

**So sorry for the delay in updating- just a lack of inspiration atm :P Thank you for all the reviews, let me know what you think :)**

I woke up this morning without an ache for alcohol, which is a first. Maybe it had something to do with the text from Joey that I opened my eyes to:

_'Lunch in the caff today, on me? X'_

_'Lucy's working today :/ Vic instead? X'_

_'Not a good idea x'_

_'I can handle it, promise. I won't drink x'_

_'Too right you won't! See you at 1 x'_

And so I've spent the morning making myself look beautiful. It's taken longer than usual because I look a state these days. I've even pulled out a dress, from the back corners of my wardrobe. I haven't told Mum where I'm going because I don't think she'd be too chuffed about me seeing Joey; actually I don't think she'd be chuffed about me leaving the house, at all. Regardless, I slip out of the house without letting Abi know and practically run to the Vic in my eagerness to see Joey. As I walk in, I stop dead. Lucy's sitting next to him, with her hand on his arm. Why is she always sniffing around him? And why isn't he pushing her hand off him?! Admittedly though, he doesn't look best pleased. I storm over and wrench Lucy's hand off Joey's arm.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" She spits at me.

"No, what the fuck are you doing?" I shove her away and stand in between them.

"Shouldn't you be lying in a gutter somewhere?" She smirks.

"Do you want me to actually break your nose this time? Cos I can." I offer, clenching my fists.

"Babe." Joey mutters, putting a hand over mine.

"No, get off me! You came over and spouted all that shit about how you knew she was lying, so what are you doing with her?!" I snap at him, angrily.

"She just came up to me, I didn't ask her to." Joey tells me, urgently.

"How could you? You invited me here and you're with her." I shake my head, frustrated.

"I'm not!" Joey pleads.

"So what if I am with him? What's it to you?"" Lucy smirks. I grip her arm tightly, until she's squirming under my grasp.

"You're dead to me." I snarl and pick up a nearly full glass of Vodka that's just sitting on the bar; begging me to drink it. I down it in one.

"Lauren, stop it!" Joey yells, and grabs hold of me.

"Let go of me. Right now." I try to shrug him away but he's too strong.

"You can't do this." He whispers.

"Don't tell me what to do. I hope you have a nice life with Lucy." I spit and wrench free of his hold, storming out of the pub. I go the minute mart and stock up on lots of Vodka to the disapproving looks from the cashier. So it's 1 in the afternoon, so what?

That night, I go to R&R and these stinking rich guys sidle up to me, and ply me with copious amounts of drink. It's an alcoholic's paradise. And then Joey walks in and marches straight over to me. He grabs hold of me, pulling me up.

"What are you doing, Lauren? Have you lost it? Get your coat, I'm taking you home, your mum's gonna go spare." He hisses at me, but I resist his pull on my arm.

"Where's your little bitch? Has she actually left you alone for once?" I mock.

"I'm taking you home." He repeats.

"Oi, barman! I didn't know it was in your job description to offer a taxi service." I snarl and pull away from him furiously.

"Lauren, I ain't joking." He frowns. He sure does frown a lot.

"Neither am I. Can I have a drink, barman?" I giggle.

"I ain't serving you. Get your stuff, come on." He doesn't give up.

"Leave off her yeah, Dad! We're having fun, unlike you." One of the guys whose name I don't know pulls me back down next to him.

"I'm going in the back to get some mixers; I want you to be waiting for me at the door in 5 minutes." Joey storms off towards the store room.

"We better get out of here before he gets back!" I tell them and we leave the club and fall into a taxi. As I get in, Lucy is walking over to R&R and just smirks at me, pitifully, not even bothering to try and stop me. We end up in another bar, then another until I can't remember how many places we've been to. I drink myself to oblivion and it's still not enough. I drink so much that my blood is probably 70% alcohol and then I drink some more. Cos that's all I have left now. Alcohol.


	8. Chapter 8

**Soso sorry for updating so late! Even though it's waaay overdue, hope you enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think! :)**

The next couple of days are a blur. I know I went off with some random blokes but after that, my memory's a blank. Somehow I managed to get home and now I'm in the hospital being told all this scary shit about how fucked up my liver is. I can't drink again. Ever. After the Doctor leaves, Mum is being all sympathetic and nice which is just making me feel worse. I tell her I'm tired and that she should just go home. She reluctantly agrees but on her way out, she stops and turns backs.

"Lauren. Yesterday, when we didn't know where you were, Joey asked about you, he wanted to help find you. I didn't really want to tell you but I have because I think you needed to know." Mum says.

"I don't care. I'm done with him." I sigh and turn away from her.

Vague snapshots from the other day start coming back to me: Joey inviting me to lunch; going to the Vic to see him with Lucy; doing what I do best and shouting the odds then drinking myself into oblivion. Why was he asking about me? I'm nothing to him anymore. The Joey I know wouldn't have gone back to my best friend; hell, the Joey I know wouldn't have broken up with me. Ever since it happened, I thought I'd accepted it but I hadn't really because I kept expecting him to rock up on my doorstep and tell me he wants me back. But that won't happen and I really need to get that into my head. I don't know why he came round and said all that stuff; probably just to fuck with my head but enough is enough. Joey can't be a priority anymore.

"Just 5 minutes, please." Joey's voice rouses me from an uneasy sleep.

"Not a chance. Sling your hook." Dad snaps, angrily.

"I have to see her."

"Not on my watch, sunshine. There's no way I'm letting you anywhere near my daughter."

"Uncle Max, you don't know how scared I've been."

"She's my little girl! How scared do you think I've been?"

"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. Please, let me see her."

"You're really starting to piss me off now, Joe. Get lost and don't come back here again."

Dad sounds really angry and I hear his footsteps stomping up to my room. He opens the door gently and I quickly shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep. He places his hand on my hair and smooths it down.

"My baby." He whispers.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm gonna fix you, I'm gonna make you better again."

He kisses my forehead, and then takes a seat on the chair next to my bed, waiting for me to wake up. A lump rises in my throats at my Dad's tender words and a tear rolls down my cheek.

"You're awake." He whispers.

"This isn't your fault, Dad." I tell him.

"It is. Me and your Mum made everything about us and we didn't think about how it was affecting you kids. We never thought our constant fighting could impact you because we loved you and we were doing our best with you. I'm so sorry, Lauren." Dad holds my hand in a tight grasp.

"I'll be okay." I promise him.

"Course you will. I love you." Dad presses his mouth against my head and his tears fall on to my face.

"Please don't cry, Dad." I plead.

"I can't believe I let this happen to you. All this time I was angry at Joey and I'm the one to blame, not him." He sighs, desperately.

"I don't blame you. I just didn't think I could ever drink too much." I explain.

"Me and your Mum have been talking." Dad takes a deep breath, like he's gearing himself up to say something I'm not gonna like.

"And?" I ask, cautiously.

"The Doctor said there's this clinic. Residential care, to help you. We let this happen to you because we're selfish and we owe it to you to let you get better properly without us and our problems and stupid fights. We think you should go." Dad tells me.

"Okay. I'll go." I agree.

"Just like that?" Dad looks at me, confused.

"Just like that." I nod.

"I thought I'd have to persuade you." He admits.

"A month ago maybe you would have. Even a week ago, you would have had to. But, I'm done with Walford and all this shit. I think you're right, I'll be better off out of it." Maybe this is what I need. Being away from Joey and Lucy and all this drama.

"It's not forever and we'll come to see you. Your Mum's going too, and she's taking Oscar. They're going to live nearby." Dad's voice is strained and I can tell he's not too chuffed about this part.

"Are you okay with that?" I ask.

"It's not about me and your Mum. It's about getting you better, whatever it takes." His voice cracks and then I know.

"Mum isn't coming back is she?" I whisper.

"No and she doesn't want you to come back either. But you can, if you want to. You can come back and live with me or you can live with your Mum." Dad explains.

"You're gonna have a baby, you don't want me there taking up space." I don't know if I can leave forever. Once again, Joey crosses my mind.

"I'm not. We're not having a baby. Me and Kirsty are done." Dad says, shortly.

"What, why?" Confusion crosses my face. How long was I out for?

"You don't need to worry about that. All you need to think about is getting better; you don't have to decide where you wanna live yet, you have plenty of time to think about it. Just get better so I can have my stroppy, spoilt, brilliant daughter back." Dad smiles, making me chuckle.

"Dad. Joey was here, wasn't he?" I sigh and Dad's face tightens.

"Yeah." He replies, shortly.

"I heard you arguing." I admit.

"I wasn't gonna tell you. You're better off without him." Dad frowns.

"Okay." I'm too tired to argue and maybe he's right.

"You're very agreeable today." Dad chuckles.

He doesn't get it. He thinks it's because I want to change and because I care what happens to me but it's not. It's because I've given up.


	9. Chapter 9

**-As promised, uploaded the next chapter asap! Sorry that it's cheesy, I tried so hard not to make it cheesy but then I thought Joey should be soppy towards Lauren cos it's cute so be prepared for the cheese-fest :D as always, please let me know what you think! Next chapter is almost done and will be up in the next couple of days!**

An hour before we're about to leave, there's an insistent, almost urgent, knocking on the front door.

"I'll get it." I say and instantaneously, Mum, Dad, Abi and Nan all jump up.

"It's okay love, I'll go." Mum smiles a smile which doesn't quite reach her eyes as goes to answer the door.

"You're not taking her anywhere." I hear Joey barking at Mum before she can even get a word in edgeways.

"Excuse me, don't come to my house and speak to me like that! Calm down." Mum snaps.

"I'll get rid of him." Dad stands up angrily, and before I really think about what I'm doing I grab his arm to stop him.

"I wanna talk to him." I sigh, deeply.

"Please, babe." Dad frowns.

"I don't know when I'm gonna see him again." I shrug, and slowly go out into the hallway. Joey is laying into Mum but when he sees me he stops midway. I look at Mum, and she sighs but goes back into the living room, shutting the door behind her.

"Lauren." He says my name barely above a whisper and all the anger drains from his face.

I open the front door and sit on the step; he follows me out and shuts the door, sitting down next to me.

_"I'm leaving. I'm going to this rehab clinic thing."_ I explain.

"You can't go." He shakes his head, furiously.

_"I'm going. Tonight."_ I tell him.

"Lauren." He says, urgently.

_"Joey." _

"You can't do this."

_"I have to."_

"You can't do this to me."

_"This isn't about you."_

"What am I supposed to do without ya?"

_"I hear Lucy's available."_

"There's nothing going on between me and her. I was waiting for you and she just showed up, I swear. She wanted to apologise. I told her to go. You've gotta believe me, babe."

_"Like you believed me?"_

"You know how sorry I am about that."

_"I know, I shouldn't have said that. Look, just forget about me because I'm gonna forget about you. We're done."_

"We're not done."

_"I might not come back."_

"You're coming back."

_"I don't know yet. Look, find a nice girl, not someone like me who can drink you under the table. Move on."_

"I don't think you know what you are to me."

_"Well, is that my fault? If I ever meant anything to you, you had a funny way of showing it."_

"It's my fault, I know. Look Lauren, you know I'm not good with words and talking about feelings and all that. But, you're the first girl I've ever loved. Do you know what that means? Before you, I was a dick. You don't even wanna know what I was like. But, you're different. We're different. You make me different. I want us to work it out."

_"There's no 'us' anymore, Joey."_

"There'll always be an 'us.' You don't just forget your first love."

_"You weren't my first love."_

"Who was then, that dickhead Peter?" He snaps, angrily. When I don't reply, he carries on.

"Look, that doesn't matter; the point is you're my first love. I can't just forget you."

_"You have to. We're not good together, Joey. I drink all the time and piss you off. You don't know what I'm like without a drink; you won't like sober Lauren anywhere near as much as drunk Lauren."_

"I always liked sober Lauren better."

_"That's because I wasn't sober for very long. On a daily basis without any alcohol in me, I'm dead boring."_

"I'm boring too so we can sit at home and play Monopoly together."

_"Don't wait for me. I want you to be happy."_

"I'll give you a couple of weeks but if you're not back in under a month, I'm coming to get ya."

_"Please don't call me or anything. I have to get over you."_

"No, you don't, babe. Shut up, what you saying that for?"

_"When we were together we were always arguing. Maybe we weren't right for each other."_

"You're wrong. I'm gonna prove to ya how right I am for ya. I'm gonna be the best boyfriend ever, seriously. Even when we're screaming at each other, I ain't gonna leave. You'll have to dump me first if you don't wanna be with me."

_"Joey, I don't think you're listening to me."_

"I am. Look, I ain't saying we're gonna get back together the second you come back but we could have this time apart and still feel the same."

_"And all I'm saying is don't count on it."_

"Do you know that I love you?"

_"I guess."_

"I love you."

_"You just said that."_

"You don't believe me."

_"It's gonna take a long time to go back to how it used to be."_

"I don't wanna go back. We were all messed up and I was a prick. I wanna go forward and do it right this time."

_"I can't think about that right now. I have to get better."_

"I know, and I want you to get better more than anything. But once you're better, you'll come back to me, won't ya?"

_"Joey, don't pressure me, please."_

"I just want you to know something."

_"What?"_

"I wanna marry you and have babies with you."

_"Are you taking the piss?"_

"Far from it. All that marriage stuff used to scare me, but it doesn't anymore. I can say that to you without shitting myself."

_"Well, you're scaring me."_

"All I'm trying to say is, you're it. There's never gonna be anyone else. And maybe I'm still a little bit scared that I'll be a shit husband and a shit Dad like my old man was. But if it's with you, I'm not scared cos you wouldn't let me be crap."

_"Joey, I nearly died. You're freaking me out, please stop." _

"That's why I'm saying this. It took nearly losing you to realise what a stupid idiot I've been. I know I don't deserve you, but I have to tell you this. You have to know what you mean to me."

_"Joey, I'm 19 years old. I'm not thinking about marriage yet, and with everything that's gone on lately, just waking up in the morning is a pretty big achievement."_

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I'm gonna wait."

_"Don't expect anything from me, please. I don't know if I can give what you want."_

"Just get better and come home."

_"Be happy."_

"I want you to have this." He pulls off his watch and gently wraps it onto my wrist.

_"Why are you giving me this?"_

"Because I'm being a bit spur of the moment so I didn't get you a ring."

_"Oh my God, Joey! Please."_

"I know, what a shit excuse! I will get you one though."

_"I'm begging you; please don't get me a ring."_

"If I got down on one knee with a massive diamond and asked you to marry me, you wouldn't say no."

_"I promise you, I would."_

"I accept that challenge."

_"It wasn't a challenge."_

"There is no way you'd say no."

_"Oh, Joseph. How little you know me. I'd say no just to wind you up. That's what I'm like."_

"You're not as bad as you like to think you are. You're a softie."

"How dare you? I've never been so insulted." I mock, making him laugh.

"I fucking love you."

_"You've already said that."_

"I love you."

_"Okay, I'll wear your watch every single day."_

"Promise?"

_"Promise."_

"Have you still got that blue t-shirt of mine, the one you used to sleep in?"

_"Yeah."_

"Good." He grins and I don't tell him it's in my suitcase; obviously I'm taking it with me.

_"I have to go, the taxi's gonna be here any minute."_ I stand up, reluctantly.

Joey grabs hold of my hand and stands up too. Before I can stop him, he pulls me into a tight hug and instead of pulling away I let myself sink into his hold. He brings his mouth crashing down on to mine and I kiss him back, until I come to my senses and pull away, half-heartedly.

"I love you." He breathes.

_"I'll see ya, Joe."_ I take a deep breath and he lets go of me.

As I watch his retreating back as he drags his feet back to number 23, I suddenly remember that _Scouting for Girls_ song, _'This ain't a love song.'_ _'This ain't a love song, this is goodbye.'_ Joey thinks I'm gonna come back all shiny and new and fall back into his arms. But this isn't one of them soppy chick flicks I loathe, this is real life. This is goodbye.

**A/N- The one shot I was writing which turned into a two-shot (160813) might now be a full story because I had loads of lovely comments about how much yous all liked it and want me to continue it, so thank you for all your nice reviews! For now, there will most probably be a third chapter which I'm working on now :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Joey's POV.**

It's been 2 weeks since Lauren left; that's 14 whole days and nights. 14. It don't sound like a lot, does it? 2 weeks is nothing really when you think about it. I mean, I used to see her in the market and pretend I didn't cos it was better than acknowledging that the broken look on her face was my fault; if she saw me first I'd offer a tiny smile and pretend like I'd forgotten what she means to me; I used to force myself to walk past her house and not go in; I'd scroll down to her number in my phone and somehow manage not to call her. I did all of that and for a lot longer than two weeks. But back then I didn't realise how bad her drinking was; I never thought she could have died. I just assumed she'd stop drinking, cos it's that easy init, she'd just click her fingers and wouldn't be dependent on alcohol anymore. And then, we could get back together again; just like that. Because life is exactly like them stupid films Alice likes to watch init? No, it fucking isn't! Like, if a bloke is scared of heights, chances are he won't climb up to your window to win you over; he'll just find another bird- one who don't mind meeting him at the bottom of the stairs. And if your memory gets wiped clean every night, he's not gonna try to make you remember him every single day for the rest of your life; he'll just bang ya and be on his way cos you're essentially his perfect woman: no strings sex and he never has to call you. And if you're ill and you need him, he's not gonna look after ya cos he's not Jake Gyllenhaal; he's probably a spineless fuck like me that'll walk out on the only girl he's ever given a shit about. That's what real life is like. It's not fucking hearts and flowers. For someone who he thinks he's pretty 'real', I'm actually deluded. How could I think she'd suddenly be okay? And why did I just assume that would mean we'd instantly get back together? I thought I wasn't helping her and I wasn't what she needed to get through this so the best thing for her was not to be with me. But looking back; I reckon I just made her worse. I mean, she was never paralytic when she was with me. I knew where she was every night, at least. As pathetic and weak and un-manly as it sounds, I were scared. I were scared how shitfaced she got and how the only time there was life in her eyes was she when she had a drink in her hand. Like, if our relationship were so great, she wouldn't wanna drink herself stupid all the time would she? I should have been someone she could tell all the shit things to and that would be enough to make her feel better; I should have been her alcohol. I should have been enough for her, but I weren't. And when I realised that, that's when I did the only fucking cowardly thing I've ever done; I ended it. And I can't really blame Lucy spiking Lauren's drink for me breaking up with her because the break-up was inevitable really. Lucy just sped the process up a bit. I'd already given up. I thought I wasn't what she needed but maybe I was exactly what she needed. And the thought that I could have prevented what happened to her is killing me. If me and Lauren had still been together, maybe she would have stayed sober. I know I drove her back to it. So it's ironic really that now it's me drinking myself to sleep every night. In fact, the last memory I have is the day I said goodbye to Lauren. After that it's like there's a massive hole in my brain or something; can't remember nothing. I'm surprised Sharon hasn't given me the sack; or maybe she has? I think I'm supposed to be at work right now, actually. I pick up my phone from the floor and see that I've had 3 missed calls off Sharon; yep, definitely supposed to be at work. Before I exit my call log, my outgoing call list catches my eye and I wince, inwardly. 33 calls to Lauren, just last night? I know I would have remembered talking to her so it must have gone to voicemail. As I scroll further down, I realise it's not just last night that I've been borderline harassing my ex-girlfriend. I've been ringing her every day since she's been gone; and not just once or twice. Fuck. And I bet I've been leaving her stupid, drunken voicemails, scaring her off. When did I become so pathetic? To top it off, I realise that the odour which hit me as soon as I woke up isn't the socks I forgot to put in the wash; it's me. What's happened to me? If the lads back home could see me now, they'd piss themselves. I used to be someone everyone looked up to; they wanted to be me and I thought I had it made. They were the idiots for wanting a girlfriend, weren't they? What was so great about one bird for the rest of your life when you could have a different one every night like the great Joey Branning? I was a self-proclaimed legend. In hindsight, I wasn't a legend; I was a dickhead. Those lads had it right all along. What do you need loads of birds for when none of them made you happy? When just one was more than enough to make you happier than you even thought possible? It's funny how the world works init? I used to laugh at how pathetic they were and now I realise they probably felt sorry for me; cos I was the one missing out, not them. I never thought it'd happen to me. Love. I never thought I'd wanna be Jake Gyllenhaal/ Adam Sandler or that bloke in the film about the prostitute. When I had the chance to be, I royally fucked it up; but now it's all I want. I wanna be that perfect guy for Lauren. I was so lucky and I didn't even realise it; I know she doesn't deserve me and there's probably some bloke out there who can make her happier than I ever could. But, I love her. Like, crazy love her. I've messed up though; I've ruined everything and I'm probably never gonna see her again. Before I can reach for a bottle of vodka I know I'm bound to have somewhere in this pit, there's a knock on my door then it's pushed open and I'm greeted by the sight of Alice.

"Can I come in?" She asks, carefully. I nod and she winces as soon as she steps inside my room.

"It's not the room; it's me. I stink." I point out, matter of factly.

"Joey, I don't really know what to say because we've never been in this situation before. You've never had a girlfriend before let alone been in love." She hesitantly perches down on the corner of my bed.

"You don't have to say nothing, Al." I shrug.

"I haven't said anything for two weeks; I've just watched. I think I need to say something because I can't let you carry one like this."

"Are we switching roles?"

"This isn't funny, Joey."

"Sorry, sorry. What is it you think you need to say?"

"You can't keep this up. You have to stop. You wanted Lauren to stop drinking; what do you think she'd say if she could see you now?"

"She can't though, can she? That's the point. Fuck knows when, if, I'll see her again."

"So, what are you gonna do? Drink for the rest of your life so you don't have to remember what's happened?"

"That sounds pretty good, Al."

"Either way, you're not gonna see her again, are you?"

"Why? Do you know something?"

"Err, don't you remember last week?"

"I don't remember yesterday."

"You went round to Uncle Max's and asked him to tell you where she is. He got angry; it was pretty bad."

"What? What happened? What you going on about?"

"Basically, he said you'll never get anywhere near his daughter whilst he's around."

"Oh, fuck. He blames me, doesn't he? Tanya does too."

"Probably, yeah. But that's not important right now. I know you're probably dying to see her, but there's nothing you can do. She's in the right place, she's getting help and she's gonna get better. When yous two broke up, she was in a really bad place. I think this distance from you is a good thing for her. You have to move on, Joe. I'm sorry, but you do."

"So, you blame me an all?"

"Well, partly, I guess. And you blame yourself too; that's why you're doing this. I blame all of us. We weren't there for her when she needed us, were we? You need to get over each other. Lauren needs to get over you. She has to focus on herself."

"Before she left she said she needed to get over me."

"When she comes back, things won't just go back to normal."

"If."

"Alright, if."

"You know I love her, don't ya?"

"Of course, Joey."

"So how am I supposed to get over her? Why should I?"

"Because it's for the best."

"I thought that too, that's why I broke up with her. But it just made everything worse. She never drank that much when she was with me."

"But she couldn't handle not being with you; that's probably why her drinking got so bad. And that's not healthy. You need to take a step back."

"But, Al, I did take a step back. And that's what made her worse."

"Joey, she told you she needs to get over you. What more proof do you need? You're not good for her."

"Don't say that, Alice. Just don't, alright? She were meant for me; we was meant for each other. I never felt like this before and I never will again. How can I not be good for her?"

"Because when she saw you with Lucy, she went off with some random blokes and nearly ended up dead cos, to her, that was better than not having you in her life. Don't you see how horribly sad that is? Don't you see how low she felt?" Alice sighs, sadly.

She's right. I nod hollowly, not knowing what to say. Not knowing if there is anything to say.

"So, that means if she wants to move on from you, you have to let her."

"So, what do I do?"

"You get up, take a shower, then go to work and beg Sharon not to sack you."

"I meant about Lauren."

"Nothing. There's nothing to do."

"So, I'm just supposed to carry on as normal like nothing's wrong?"

Alice just nods. Like it's that simple.

**A/N: Hope you liked it, let me know what you think!**


	11. Chapter 11

Lauren's POV.

This morning, just like every other since I've been here at the clinic, I wake up to a load of missed calls from Joey. All at stupid times, an all. He's left me a couple of weird voicemails and I could be wrong but he sounds pissed. Like, not just a bit merry either, but proper drunk. Which is a bit fucking hypocritical, to say the least. I'm staying strong though; I haven't called him back and I don't intend to. I meant what I said. I need to get over him. I can't let him be my everything anymore. When I was in hospital I'd given up, but being here has really changed my perspective. For the first time in like, never, I actually have hope. Hope that I'll stop drinking; hope that I'm gonna be okay again and go back to being the old Lauren, pre-drink. I have a counsellor! How weird is that? I talk about my feelings. As in, honestly tell her what I'm going through and not my default answer of: 'I'm fine.' She's really great; she's called Jen. We never talk about Joey though. I kinda get the feeling she wants me to talk about him because he's a huge part of my life. Or at least he was. Once upon a time, long ago. I mentioned him once when she asked about my watch. His watch. I wear it every day and sleep with it under my pillow. I still can't get my head around all the stuff he said before I left. About marriage and babies. It didn't even sound like him. He said he loved me a couple of times, an all. And I don't know what to think; I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. If I decide to go back to Walford, I don't think we can just get back together again. I feel differently to how I did when I was always drinking. He said he believed me about Lucy, but then I walk into the Vic to see them together. And if I had been knowingly drinking again that night like he thought I was, then surely that was a massive reason not to break up with me because obviously I needed him? I don't know, I guess I'm just confused. Maybe I should talk to Jen about him.

"How are you doing today, Lauren?" Jen asks, gently. I don't know if it's a counsellor thing or just her but she speaks in this really calm, quiet tone and it makes you tell her stuff you never thought you'd say out loud. Maybe before they hand you your psychology degree they teach you how to speak in a certain way to get people to spill their guts.

"I'm good, thanks. How are you?" I ask her, even though she always tells me I don't need to ask her how she is.

"I'm great, thanks. And how's your running going?" She asks, her eyes twinkling.

"Great, just been for one, actually. So, what are we talking about today? Did I tell you about when my Dad had an affair with my brother's wife? Well, his girlfriend." I snort; I can kinda laugh about it now. I think. "Yeah, you did. And you've told me about how you outed it at Christmas. You've told me all about your brother. Both of them. Your sister. Your parents. Your Nan. Uncle Jack and Uncle Derek. Your grandparents. Your cousins Alice and little Amy. And James. Your cousin Bianca and Auntie Carol. Peter. Ryan. And Lucy and Whitney. Kirsty." She says, without even a flicker of annoyance. She's not angry or annoyed. She's just showing that she remembers everything I tell her. But maybe she's hinting at something.

"So." I nod, awkwardly.

"So. Does that leave anyone?"

"Erm."

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, you know that."

"I want to tell you about him because I'm confused. But, I can't. I can't talk about him."

"We can talk about anything you want."

"When I leave here, I don't know where I should live."

"Your mum definitely isn't moving back to Walford?"

"No, she's finished with Dad. For good, this time."

"And presumably they both want you to live with them?"

"Yeah. Dad's married, though. And as toxic as my parents' relationship sometimes was, I don't want them to be with other people. They've been through so much stuff and they still love each other. I know Dad still loves her; Kirsty's just for now. Like mum and Greg were. Dad and Stacey. Dad and Vanessa. And all the other women. But he always comes back to Mum."

"Some people are drawn to each other, no matter what."

"Even if they get hurt, they still want that person." I'm not talking about my parents anymore and I'm sure Jen knows that.

"Because they can't stop loving them." She agrees.

"Is that bad?"

"It is if they're being treated really badly but they keep forgiving their partner. It's not bad if they're better together than they were apart and the good outweighs the not so good."

"I think we're better together."

"I thought we were talking about your parents."

"We are. I think they're better together. Well, they were before Kirsty showed up."

"Who do you want to live with? Not where you think you should live."

"If I live with Mum, I'll get to see Oscar every day but not Abi and Dad and everybody else back in Walford. But if I live with Dad I'll get to see Abi and everyone but not Mum and Oscar."

"You're torn."

"I think I should live with Mum and Oscar."

"Why?"

"Because I'm more likely to have a successful recovery living with Mum, away from Walford."

"Is that what you want?"

"I want to live with Dad."

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't stifle me. And he's usually too wrapped up in his own problems to constantly fret about me like Mum does."

"Is that the only reason?"

"I've messed up with Abi. Really let her down; I need to make it up to her."

"I'm sure she understands. You've had a really tough time of it lately."

"If I live with Mum, then I have to accept that me and Joey are over. For good."

"To ensure your recovery, you need to put yourself first and do what makes you happy because if you're happy and content then you won't want to drink and you'll continue doing as well at home as you're doing here. If living with your Mum and away from Joey will make you unhappy, then I think you have your answer."

"But seeing Joey might make me unhappy too. What if he's got back with Lucy? Or met someone else?"

"You won't know until you see him. Does he make you happy? Before whatever went wrong, did he makes you happy?"

"He made me feel like for once, I was at the top of someone's priorities. Because I was all that mattered."

"Then I think you know who you're going to live with."

**Thoughts? I'm trying to keep it similar to the show so the next couple of chapters will be whilst Lauren is at the clinic but will alternate between Lauren and Joey POV's :) **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Sorry for taking the absolute biscuit in updating, will try my hardest not to leave it this long next time! Enjoy and let me know what you think :)**

Joey's POV.

Sharon didn't sack me; took a lot of persuading though. She gave me a chance cos before this, I were a model employee. Her words, not mine. Bartending; not exactly rocket science is it? I still drink every night to fall asleep and I still call Lauren. Not gone round Max's again though; maybe that were bordering on stalker-like behaviour. No maybe about it actually, it definitely were. I prepare myself for the inevitable as the drunk as fuck bird who's been hitting on me all night, comes over to the bar.

"You're really fit." She slurs at me for the third time that night, steadily sounding drunker each time.

"Do you think maybe you've had enough?" I ask her, politely.

"Do you think I've had enough?"

"Maybe you should call it a night."

"Maybe you should take me home." She leans over and grasps my collar, fumbling with my shirt. I slowly get her hand off me and move out of her reach.

"Look, I'm working, yeah? You should get your mates and go home."

"I'll wait till you finish." She chews on her straw. She's alright, I guess. A year ago, I wouldn't have said no. But that was before Lauren. Everything's different now.

"Let me save you a whole lot of bother. You don't wanna do this."

"I do."

"You really don't."

"I really do."

"I'm flattered an that, but it's not gonna happen."

"You look sad."

"And that does it for ya?"

"Just pointing out that you look sad."

"Well, thanks for that charming sentiment."

"I think I could cheer you up."

"You know, at one time you could have. But not these days."

"I accept that challenge." She winks and saunters off, back to her mates.

"Told ya I'd wait till you finish." The girl from earlier pops up out of fuck knows where when I'm about to close up.

"Din't think you actually meant it."

"Least you can do is pour me a drink." She says, matter-of-factly.

"I need to close up."

"You can close up after we've had a drink." So I pour her a drink and myself one while I'm at it. I don't know why because even when I'm doing it, I know it's a stupid idea. That's what I do though, init? Stupid shit.

"Here's to you and me and drunken sex with strangers." She giggles and bangs her glass with mine, then downs its contents in one.

"That's not gonna happen." I tell her again as I top us up.

"Again, challenge accepted."

An hour later, I'm nearly as drunk as her. I still don't know her name. I know the name of her ex though. It's Rob. He were a prick; he slept with her sister and expected her to forgive him. She didn't; that's why she ended up at R&R tonight. I told her about Lauren. She thinks I've still got a shot. Although, she is pretty wasted so she's a not a very reliable agony aunt.

"I know I'll regret this in the morning but I'm really attracted to you."

"You've told me. Four times, now."

"Are you attracted to me?"

I don't answer her, choosing to crack open another bottle instead.

"Charming." She snorts and elbows me in my arm.

"I told ya; you don't wanna do this. If you want random, revenge sex, you picked the wrong bloke."

"And yet, here you are, getting me drunk."

"Getting myself drunk; you just happen to be here, also getting drunk."

"I didn't happen to be here. You let me be here."

"You stuck around; I didn't ask you to."

"You didn't kick me out either."

"Don't speak too soon."

"You wouldn't."

"Full of yourself aren't ya?"

"Nope, I just know blokes."

"Not this one."

"Why would you be here then? Why aren't you going after her?"

"Cos she doesn't want me to."

"So? If you want her, you have to show her."

"She's better off without me." I laugh, dryly.

"You don't really believe that."

"Just shut up, alright? I don't want relationship advice."

"You don't want advice and you don't want guilt-free sex; what do you want?"

"I want you to go home so I can close up and get really drunk."

"You would have kicked me out as soon as you saw me, if that's what you really wanted." "If you're such a know-it-all, then you tell me what I want." "I think you want me, because for however short a time, you'll forget about her." And with that, she leans up and kisses me. I don't close my eyes; I look at her while I kiss her back. Before long, she's nearly naked on the bar and all I can think about is how that breaks so many health and safety rules. And Lauren, of course. And that time, on the bar when health and safety never crossed my mind. Fuck, fuck, what the fuck am I doing? When she goes to unbutton my shirt, I stop her.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." I shake my head and turn away from her.

"You really love her." She says, amazed. When she leaves, I call Lauren, again, and again, it goes to voicemail:

'_Babe, I hope you're okay. I miss you, that's all I wanted to say really. I miss ya. Come back soon. Please.'_

I leave her a message and pour myself yet another drink.


End file.
